Ambling along the street her face beamed. Slowly she removed the thick brown glove from her hand. Freedom! The breeze caressed the wide expanse of her palm, from fingers to wrist. How she had longed to be bold. The stares began, she saw it but didn’t care. Think what you want she thought, quickly pulling on her dark brown gloves, an enforcement car approached. Someone called it in. So fast! She thought, escaping into a café. Her heart raced, she felt the pupils in her eyes expand, her throat tightened. Sitting in the dimly lit café she ordered tea.
Those men passing by, their expression was worth it. She had followed them closely, capturing their words. “Did you see that?” the tall one said. “What I wouldn’t give to suck that finger, just to touch it.” He continued. “It just isn’t worth it.” His companion replied.
She sauntered again, boldness evaporated slowly from her being like an exhausted dancer. The escapade would keep her going for a few more days. Removing her gloves she stared tenderly on her hand, the contours of her nails, the soft supple skin that tipped her fingers. Fading slowly into the tightness of her memory, she smiled.
“Yes mom.”
“Have you finished your homework, Dad will be home soon.”
“Yes mom.”
The bedroom door opened slowly, standing in the doorway was Dorothy, her stepmom, the moralist.
“Where are your gloves?” She demanded.
“On the bed. “ she said pointing.
“Put them on! Put them on now!”
“But I’m home, no one’s here but us. Why do you have to be so strict, no one’s here! She shouted, grabbed them and pulled them on.
“You think I’m raising a whore, that’s what you think?” Dorothy’s orange eyes pushed out angrily the circumference turned into a vertical slit.
“No Ma.” The terror of her threat ballooned creating darkness. Walking out the room Dorothy continued the essential dialogue with herself.
Marlyn snapped the lock on the door and slowly removed her gloves. Stinging sensations kept her up sometimes at night. She tried rubbing it away, but it intensified, streaking excitement up her hands then settling by her elbows; her friends had solved the problem, their boyfriends knew how to calm the stirrings. She thought about calling Gaul, god knows she had resisted him for years but she was sixteen now.
The ringing phone pulled her into Gaul’s world. “I was just about to call you, ”she said.
“Why? To drive me crazy, I told you I can help but you don’t believe me.” He said.
“It’s not that I…”
“It’s ok, I know what I’m doing.”
“Ok, come over but you have to be quiet, Dorothy is rabid today, just pull up the window, I’ll leave it open.”
The gentleness of his touch caused stars to catch fire, they sizzled in her brain, her body felt weak. He caressed her fingertips, lathering them, like he was the soap she used to clean her body. Her finger slowly entered his mouth, she was now incendiary, the unattended hand held him tightly. She couldn’t catch breath, her breathing was now rapid; looking at her trying to secure final permission he placed his hand on hers penetrating her palm, the chasm opened, he entered with caution not wanting to cause too much pain; slowly he rubbed her, pushing hard now against her palm, twisting his large hand, he quickly locked into the junction of her thumb.”
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Move your palm against mine, slow, slow, that’s it.” She became mute. His eyes beamed brightly; she saw her kingdom. He picked up speed, she was leaving; had to go, had to fly. Pulling the cornicle out he jammed it back again. She died.
Cold air passed gently through the window, looking up, she smiled. Her right hand caressed his face. “Are you ok?” He asked. You may have to soak your hand for a while. Don’t let Dorothy in tonight, she’ll know, they always figure it out.
What was the big deal she wondered laying still against the blue rug in her bedroom.
Her left hand was slightly swollen,but it was worth it. She felt calm, clear, an iridescent tone smeared the walls, the furniture, even her hand. Is that what Gaul meant when he said ‘they always figure it out.’ Gaul had remained her hero for the remainder of high school.
College brought freedom, she loved the way her many boyfriends inflamed her, labels never bothered her, she didn’t respond to the many attached to her name. Dorothy had begun them, when she found Gaul in her room one night. Whore, concubine, man grabber, loose doorknob, craven raven, they simply added to the pile of things she refused to possess.
Her strength lay in being able to walk in and out of things, businesses that were beginning to crumble, relationships that had lost their glue. She understood, she felt the impermanence of things. It was not because her heart was cold, it was simply pragmatic, why she posited should she hold on to what is not hers. Dorothy told her “the day will come, mark my words, it will come, and you will be unable to wrangle your way out, even trying will be of no use.”
She loved Elsa more than anyone else on the planet; they had been friends through all her rough patches. Elsa was a professor of Physiology, she understood how the body worked and without emotion removed the interior of her right hand. She closed the gap and walked around proudly, gloveless, companionless, seemingly happy in her decision. She was not capable of exerting the emotions that motherhood required and preferred the company of the roaring winds on Garium, the sister planet, instead of the constant bumbling cries of little beings.
They had visited together last month. What Marlyn loved was the men on the planet, they had a kind of edge to them; tongues with a gritty texture. The first time she got close to a Gariumnian she laughed all night. Along with that great tongue was a vapid sense of humor and a brashness she enjoyed.
The four moons and aerial rivers made the winds sing, and the air sweet with the scent of flowers that grew so high, they reminded Maryln of trees. Elsa visited to collect flowers and wash in the wind; Maryln visited to enjoy the dauntless vibe of their men.
“Ella, would you live here?” Marlyn asked.
“I don’t know, never thought about it. She responded nonchalantly.
“But you like it, you’re always talking about it.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Everytime you are upset about work, you bring it up. ‘Oh I just need a few days in Garium, to touch the wind.’
“ I guess, but I would miss my family, I’m not like you, I need more than a man.”
“You think all I need is a man?” Marlyn’s voice softened, her tongue quickly swiped the insect that buzzed by her forehead. “I thought you knew…I thought you of all people knew, understood who I am; I’m a consumer, I consume men, I extract their intellect, their humor, and when they enter this left hand…I remove every seed they have, I’m the reason why you still have a planet- the five planets ; I thought you knew, I’m the emissary that keeps the population low. Whenever you stand naked in the wind, please remember me. I am a gatherer of wind, the keeper of planets;I am the reason you wash without having a million other beings pressing against you, vying for your wind.
I inherited the song of the sisters; I am the keeper of the sonnets of the left handed ones.
